its anything but::

Lately you have heard all the good i have done. what you havent heard is how poorly i have gotten, although i know everything has a purpose and i dont regret nothing i have done. its still not okay!

in the past week it hasnt been to well. i have done some pretty stupid things. to start off, i care. By that i mean my looks and what other people see me to be, and what i let them see me as. (like a mask if you will.) that isn't good! Christians shouldn't care, we should care about how to live our life out loud for god. So that we may take a stand for him one day.
-let me tell you a little bit more about me. I suffer of depression, anorexia, OCD, ADD, dyslexia, and i know more than i should (i added the last part :P) there is so much thats happened in my life a little girl should not have to go through! EVER!! but i did, and i did it alone..with God!

anyhow! i started to eat only 753 calories a day, now if you know anything about health you know your not to have anyless than 1200 calories PER DAY! well just to make some people happy i went to 1000 calories. i constantly look in the mirror and dont like what i see. i wish that plastic surgery was an option, and i know that its not possible! today caleb Torrez packed me a lunch and sits by me, so i have to eat it. ugh, it was more than i eat in a day! LITERALY, that sucked! i felt like i wanted to braf it all up. But i did not, because he took food from his house to feed me and i care about the kid! so i did as he asked me to.

I will admit god has spoken through some people to talk to me, and i have heard...i just havent applied anything yet! -im one lazy christian i can say!! :P sometimes i hate it, other times im like ehh oh well i'll have time. But truth is, i dont..im living on the edge of the new begining. IT WILL COME! just not when people say so..

"time is only real because humans made time, no where in the bible does it say god made monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday or sunday! NOT EVEN the months..or the 24 hours in a day! We, the humans did!"

on top of this...im a suverly broken person helping EVERYONE around me, its the hardest thing god has ever asked me to do! but in his name, and his will i will do it! :) for him.

im learning to take it to the cross..and i know im not alone..

i think ima write a sermion..it sounds good!